a conversation between the romantic and the realist.

romantic: why doesn’t he call? or text? or something? when i text, why is he so short? so sterile? do you think he’s over me? i’m not over him. god i want him back so bad. why is he doing this? why won’t he talk to me and tell me what’s going on?

realist: stop.

romantic: do you think he still wants me? or do you think there’s someone else? imma call. imma call him and get him to talk to me.

realist: stop. don’t do that.

romantic: why? why? i deserve an answer. how did this happen? what happened? i really don’t understand and i need to understand.

realist: no. you don’t need to underst–

romantic: you stop. i know what you’re going to say.

realist: what?

romantic: that i don’t NEED to understand, that i WANT to understand, and to that i say that yoooou don’t understand because i dooooooooo NEEEEEEED to understand. i need him to make me understand. why can’t he do that? why is this so hard? i’m not hard to talk to?

realist: really?

romantic: shut up. i want to call. you want me to call. can i call? please? i need to know what the hell happened. why did he just quit? why did he give up on me? everything seemed to be going so well. this doesn’t make any sense. none. you don’t act like THAT and then act like this. it’s madness. or schizophrenia. either way i want some answers.

realist: why? you know what’s going to happen. you’re obsessive. you never let it go. in YOUR world answers only lead to more questions and nothing good is going to come from it. what if he says something you don’t want to hear? and you get your feelings hurt?? what will you do then? get MORE depressed about him and that half-ass relationship that only YOU were in.

romantic: i hate you. i really do. I WANT ANSWERS. i’m going to call. where’s my phone?

realist: serious? you’re asking for trouble. just leave it alone. you were doing so well.

romantic: i wasn’t. i never was. i think about him day and night. i miss the communication and the sharing. i miss the reading and the writing. and oh God, if i don’t miss the kissing and the hugs. where’s my phone?

realist: i’m outta here. i’m not going to stand by while you shatter yourself again. just leave it alone.

romantic: I DON’T WANT TO!!! ok? ok?? i don’t want to. i want to talk to him. i want to be with him. i want all of those things we talked about. i can’t underst– i don’t– aaaaaaaah! never mind, i’m sure as shit not gonna talk to you about it anymore while you sit there staring me down with your “you’re pathetic” look. eff you!

realist: you’re not pathetic. i never said that and don’t get all crazy because you’re all crazy. we can talk about it as much as you want, but you know how i feel. i just don’t think it’s good for you to go through the ups and downs. we’ve both seen it before. you text and you wait. OBSESSIVELY, with your phone in your hand checking it every 17 seconds. if he doesn’t text, you’ll be hurt. if he does text then you’re happy for 49 seconds, just long enough for you to send back three texts with far too much information, way too many questions and the sour air of lingering desperation.

romantic: what? did you just call me desperate?? maaaaaaaan—

realist: stop. ok? i didn’t call YOU desperate, ok? but you are actively seeking some sort of contact with him, any contact. and it’s just .. it’s…

romantic: it’s what? it’s what? huh?

realist: i don’t like to see you like this. you’re on edge and on the verge of being rude. he’s under your skin. again. but why? you had to reach out to him, repeatedly. and for what? for absolutely nothing. you’re over here going stir crazy and he’s resting easy.

romantic: you don’t know that. he said that he missed me.

realist: yeah, well, when you miss someone do you just cut off contact for several months? i don’t. do you? no! so stop already. words are words and actions are actions. you need to look at the actions and stop listening to the words.

romantic: but the words are so beautiful. they make me feel beautiful.

realist: they are just words. your beauty is in your heart and in the mirror. where are his words? on your phone! he hasn’t even called you. what’s up with that? he used to call, but now no more? why? because you shared parts of his life with parts of your life? that’s bullshit. when people get together, join, date, etc.. worlds collide.

romantic: what are you talking about?

realist: hey! don’t get lost. remember when he told you that he wished you wouldn’t share what you and he talk about? why? if he’s in your life, why can’t you share? i’m not talking about intimate details, but the information you did share wasn’t the most personal information. it was not worthy of exile. he’s trippin’ and he’s got you trippin’. i don’t like to see you like this. you’re emotional, volatile and cranky. we need to talk about something else.

romantic: i don’t want to. i want to talk about him. he’s always on my mind. i try to get him out of my head and off my mind, but he won’t go. i don’t really want him to go. i want to keep him. we made plans! we talked everyday. i just.. i just don’t understand.

realist: yes, yes you do. you just don’t want to come to terms with it. it means that you will have to let go of him and you don’t want to. i understand.. he was a knight in shining armor.. but like the whatchamacallit says: what you thought was a knight in shining armor turned out to be a fool in tin foil. come on honey. you gotta let this go. he’s not good for you. no matter how wonderful it WAS, it is no longer. and sending him messages every seventy-two days just reopens the wounds.

romantic: *scowl*

realist: don’t look at me like that. you were “together”, if that’s what you want to call it for three months! for ninety days, give or take. seriously? you haven’t actually TALKED to him in what?… four months? seriously? why are you holding on to him so hard?

romantic: *scowl* i think i love him.

realist: oh lord! please please please don’t use that word again.

romantic: what? don’t start that shit with me. i can love whomever i want as FAST as i want. why should i hold back? i’m a balls out kinda gal. that’s the way i feel.

realist: you don’t love him. you love the idea of him and nothing more. the whole knight in shi–

romantic: have i told you that i hate you? i do. you’re mean.

realist: i’m not mean. i’m realistic. this is just unhealthy. it’s going to lead nowhere as you have already found out. i’m not sure why you’re going back for more. you’ve always been masochistic so i shouldn’t expect you to snap out of it now, but geez. you’re the only one feeling this. he’s not feeling this.

romantic: how do you know? how do you know he’s not at home feeling this same way about me? smart ass.

realist: how do i know? C’MON! here’s how i know that he does NOT feel as strongly about you as you do about him, or even in comparison to how it felt back then. this is how i know:

1. he–

romantic: really? you have a numbered list? when were you going to share that with me? what the —

realist: yes. i have a list. it’s right here off the top of my–

romantic: i don’t wanna hear this. you’re right, let’s talk about something else.

realist: oh no, sister. you wanted to talk, so we’re talking.

romantic: i really don’t want to hear this.

realist: shut up and listen.

1. he has not contacted you on his own, for months.
2. the minimal contact that you’ve experience was initiated by you.
3. for every message that he sends you, you send three. you outweigh him in conversation exponentially.
4. you haven’t had a conversation with him or laid an eye on him this YEAR.
5. after your relentless attempts to get an answer from him, he finally gave you one… ENCRYPTED. you actually had to ask further to get the simplest of answers. he could have given you that answer months ago, but he didn’t and why?why? what’s to hide? do you think he is telling you the truth? if the truth is so simple and forgivable, why wouldn’t he just come out with it? he told you that he was going to incorporate you into his life. what happened to that? why didn’t that happen? and what about everything else? all those plans you two made? what happened there? nothing, right? absolutely nothing. and when you asked for an answer, what did you get? hmmmmm? “work. family.” what kind of answer is that? don’t we all have work? and family? you can’t put life on hold to deal with life. it’s redundantly stupid and serves no purpose. if you’re going to live your life, then do so. seek happiness, create happiness and share that happiness. you can’t box life up and pretend that you can and will keep all parts of it separate and void of merging like a child’s dinner plate. it’s life! it’s messy! it joins, it mixes, it coagulates and separates. if you’re lucky, at the end of it, there’s nothing left on the plate. your belly is full and you’re satisfied. satisfied with what you have done and what you have accomplished. sitting here obsessing over someone who cannot and will not make this happen with you is insanity. so please, just stop. if he wanted you, truly wanted you, he would be here with you now and i would be somewhere else.

romantic: i wish you were somewhere else. thanks for the pep talk deepak chopra, but i think i’ll work it out alone. i can see that it’s just irritating the shit outta you and you in turn, are irritating the shit outta me. and with that said, i’m going to go somewhere else.

realist: go. i’m sorry to make you feel that way. i’m not judging you and i’m not trying to irritate you. i just don’t see how you can’t see this. i know that he was perfect and it was perfect and you felt safe and secure, but .. i … i don’t see–

romantic: ok, ok. i get it. you don’t see it happening. but what if it does? what if this is a much-needed hiatus followed by a lifelong whirlwind fairy tale romance? what if that happens? will you take back what you’ve said?

realist: absolutely not. i won’t take it back if it happens tomorrow. this is not healthy. you are a crazed woman on the verge of those old stake-out shenanigans. wandering around town, at all hours of the night in dark clothes, chuck taylors and doin’ super-slow drive-by’s of this dudes house in borrowed cars. it’s not good for you. it’s not respectable. he doesn’t respect you. if he did, he would have answered you when you asked a quest.. actually, he would have told you what was going to happen before it happened. not make you chase after him for an answer that you JUST got, but had to decipher. and if you didn’t text him, repeatedly, you would have never known. he would have let you fade to black without a word.

romantic: i’m not chasing after him.

realist: what? are you kidding? yes, honey, you are. you are chasing after him like you missed your bus. with one hand out and the look of “please wait for me” on your face. ugh! that’s enough. i’ve told you time and time again how i feel and you have done the same. i am here for you if you need me, but i don’t want to talk about this anymore. he’s not good for you, you know it, you feel it and still you do this. just let it go. let him go. he doesn’t deserve you. obviously.

romantic: but i deserve him! why can’t i have him? i thought the girls get the choice! i pick and that’s that. why can’t i have him?

realist: he doesn’t want to be had. you are not this blind. after what you’ve been through over the years. you are not this blind. i’m sure you’re fed up and ready for your time to shine, but sweetie, it’s not right now and i don’t think it’s with him. i just don’t. if things change, then that’s great for everyone, but i don’t see it. i’m sorry.

romantic: are we done? i don’t think i can take much more truth tonight. i know what you’re saying, i just didn’t want you to say it. i just wanted you to help me live in the moment and be positive about it. but i get it, there’s nothing positive about it. no silver lining? no benefit of the doubt? no second chance?

realist: for what? sure, you can keep hope alive and hold a flame for him if you choose, but for how long? like i said, you were together mooooonths ago. you’ve almost been apart TWICE as long as you were together. what’s to hold on to? hmm? what are you holding on to, exactly??

romantic: *scowl* i hate you. i’m going to bed.

realist: like hell, you’re going to go in there and pull up every song that you two “dedicated” to one another and cry yourself into a cloud of funk. you’re not going to bed. we are going to talk about this. what are you holding on to? … …

*silence*

realist: well? seriously? what’s to hold on to? you two were done before the holidays. there was no family gatherings, gift exchange and you had sex all of one time. so, please tell me what exactly could be the big hang up? …

*continued silence*

realist: hellllooooooo?

romantic: nothing i guess. i don’t know.. i think i wanted it so badly that i couldn’t see that there was nothing to it. it sounds horrible when YOU talk about it. but it doesn’t sound horrible when i talk about it. why is that?

realist: that’s because you want there to be something where there is nothing. it’s not HIM. it’s the idea of him. someone so sweet and chivalrous. someone who always says good morning and good night. someone who opens doors and carries packages for you. someone who shares your dreams of world travel, but a simple home life. a “white picket fence” type guy looking for a “white picket fence” type girl. you’re caught up in the idea.. and he let you believe it. he buffed and shined that tin foil and came to you with open arms and empty promises. and who’s left feeling empty? you. just you.

romantic: i want what i want.

realist: you can want him all you want, you just need to know that you might not ever get him. probably won’t ever get him. i think it’s obvious and you’re just playing word games with me right now. so what if you want him. what does that mean? “i want him.” do you always get what you want?

romantic: i try. and usually…

realist: you can’t TRY with people and relationships. either you want it or you don’t. otherwise shit is one sided and someone is left out in the cold. don’t you remember him and him? they wanted you, but you didn’t want them and shit was supremely one-sided. you were annoyed with them and their persistence. and i’m sure they were annoyed with you and your many unfettered attempts to get rid of them. don’t you think that wasn’t fair? don’t you think you took advantage and that they deserved to be let free long before?

romantic: i took advantage? i didn’t take advantage of anyone.

realist: yes. yes you did. you let them swoon over you while you were off thinking about someone else. you let them take you to dinner, take you to movies and try to win your heart always knowing inside yourself that you had no intention of entertaining them. don’t you think this is the same? he will respond to you… after you reach out to him. he will answer your questions accordingly, but tell me this: has he asked you about you lately? has he inquired about your mental health and well-being during these last few months?

romantic: well… he–

realist: the answer is no. what you are getting from him now is far from what he gave you in the beginning. and just like that other guy, if you accept what he is giving you now, you are settling for less, and we both know how that worked out. shattered! shattered into a million pieces. time lost, love lost, personal property and money lost too. but what was the end result? you settled for less than you wanted.

romantic: well, actually, i tried to convince myself that i didn’t need those other things. it wasn’t all his fault, ya know?

realist: yeah, i know. but that doesn’t change the facts. now you know more clearly what you want, and you thought you saw it in the tin man, but the fact of the matter is that he was more of a rebound. you left that other guy, met the tin man and he seemed to be everything that you could want or dream of. and he might be, but he’s not letting you in and you cannot accept that. if he wants you, he should act like it. and, from what i’ve seen, he ain’t actin’ like it.

romantic: your sensible nonsense is really putting a damper on my sad-sack-woe-is-me attitude that i was trying to run with. i don’t need sense right now. i need your friendship and support.

realist: well sister, i’m not your friend. you will always have my support. if you decide to call or text and have a meltdown, i will be right there to clean your melted ass off the ground. if you decide to call and leave crazy ass messages that confirm that you should be left alone, i will be there, WITH TISSUE, to talk you down off that ledge.

romantic: you’re worth your weight in used paper clips.

realist: that’s what i’m here for. to help you keep your head on straight. you seem like you’ve settled down and that’s good, but it doesn’t mean much. you always settle and then jump off the cliff. if you don’t delete that playlist, i’m going to throw your phone in the toilet. the songs are great, but don’t listen to all of them back to back. and please, for the love of pete and everyone around get rid of anything that he gave you, which is nothing, or anything that he brought to your attention… like that one recording artist. stop listening to that guy. it’s just going to bring back memories and you’re just going to get crazy and neither of us needs that. you just came down off the ledge. we both need a breather.

romantic: sense from nonsense. you do it everytime. you’re right. i’ll let it go.

realist: i know you want to say “for now”. i noticed that you didn’t say that you would let him go… and i know that will take some time. *rolling eyes* for whatever reason. if you would stop obsessing you could be over him already and on to someone and something better. if you can keep from .. you know what.. where’s your phone?

romantic: what? i–

realist: where is it? i want to see it.

romantic: for what?

realist: just get it and bring it–

romantic: why? what are you going to do?

realist: we. yes, WE, are going to delete him. we’re going to delete him from your life right here and now.

romantic: no. i can’t do that.

realist: oh yes you can, and you’re going to. right now.

romantic: ugh. have i told you–

realist: what? that you hate me? yes. and i don’t care. i hate you too. get the phone.

romantic: fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck! you’re such a bitch.

realist: takes one to know one. get the phone.

romantic: alllllllright! @&^@%&^@%$!!

*waiting in silence*

*continued waiting*

realist: where the hell are you? and where’s that phone daggummit??

romantic: shuuuuuuuuuuut up! i’m getting it. loser.

realist: suck it. give it to me.

romantic: here!

realist: *accessing contacts* delete contact? why, yes, thank you.

romantic: i–

realist: shut it. *accessing text messages* OMG!!! how much of his shit do you have saved in here? no wonder you’re losing your mind. have you kept every message… ugh.

romantic: they’re nice messages.

realist: so what. *rolling eyes* do you mean i have to “unlock” each one before i can delete it?? are you serious? oh well.. here we go.

romantic: *scowl*

realist: unlock, delete, unlock, delete, unlock, delete, unlock, delete… unlock, delete. ok. i think that’s all of them. but we’re not done. come with me.

romantic: why? you’ve already taken everything.

realist: ha! you think i’m stupid. you’re going to delete him from ev-er-y-thing! everything!! right now. so let’s log on.

romantic: you are a supreme, ultimate, stellar fucking bitch.

realist: whatev. log on.

romantic: log on to what?

realist: first, to verizon, to delete him from your backup. i’m not stupid. and then you will log onto your email and then to facebook. all three accounts, right now, and i want to watch you click and delete. i mean it.

romantic: fuck.

realist: do it. you’re wasting time. this is the only way. you need to be free of him. if and when he decides to contact you, you won’t know it’s him and your response will be “who is this?” and hopefully that will put him in his place that he had been DELETED. that he earned to be deleted and that you .. you moved on.

romantic: *sigh*

realist: let’s do this.

*log on, delete, log off. log on, delete, log off. log on, delete, log off*

romantic: satisfied?

realist: thoroughly. where’s your purse?

romantic: you’re going too far.

realist: nope, lemme see it. actually i just need your wallet. i know you have his business card in there. the one that she gave to you that he gave to her to give to you.

romantic: that’s a memento. i want to keep that. it was–

realist: shut up and get the wallet.

romantic: ugh! bitch!!!

realist: yup. get it.

romantic: here. if you can find it you can have it.

realist: *opening wallet* yup, here it is. thanks!

romantic: omg, how did you–

realist: know where it was at? i know you. thanks, hon. let’s move on. anything else i should know about?

romantic: no.

realist: are you sure?

romantic: yes! geez.

realist: don’t “geez” me. this is what’s best. rid yourself of him. if he comes back, well, we’ll deal with that then. in the meantime, you’re going to “get up, get out and get something, don’t let the days of your life pass by”.

romantic: really, outkast?!?!

realist: you know it my spottieottiedopaliciousangel. and now that that is done, we can move on accordingly.

romantic: to what?

realist: any and everything we want. i’m hungry.

romantic: i hate you. i’m going to bed. i hope you get fat.

realist: and when i do, it will be you that i will drag to the gym, to the pilates class and out running with me… so don’t be such a bitch.

romantic: i love you. thank you.

realist: i know. you’re welcome. i love you too. and when the time comes… i’ll talk you down off the next ledge.

romantic: i’m staying grounded. to hell with this ledge shit.

realist: i’ve heard that befooooooooore.

*and the door shuts*