Dear, Mama

Hello Darling,

I’d like to start by telling you that I think you are amazing, absolutely amazing. We have all been given the same size plate, but the biggest portion of your love and affection is given to your children. Without pause, you put their needs and wants above yours or anyone else’s. Your dedication to them is incomparable. God knew exactly what He was doing when He loaned you those little people to care for and nurture for Him.

There are going to be times, Mama, when you feel unsure. And there are going to be times when you don’t have a doubt in your mind. Not only is that part of parenting, but that’s also part of MOTHERing. But even during those times, you’re still amazing. Don’t minimize your parenting capabilities. You and your children are unique. Your style of caring, loving, guiding, and providing is a complicated algorithm that no one has the right to criticize. You keep doing what you’re doing!

As wonderful as every day can and will be, nothing in life is void of challenges. There will definitely be challenges. You will handle them with grace and tenacity. You will also handle them with stern words, a harsh tone, and a “bull in the China shop” mentality. Whatever you’re doing, and however you’re doing is EXACTLY perfect. If it’s what you need to do, want to do, think you should do– then do it.

I applaud you for taking a stand against disposable diapers and insisting on organic products. I celebrate you for breastfeeding your newborn and your toddler in public with no cover. I praise you for not allowing anyone near your child that has smoked a cigarette in the last decade. Whatever your choices may be, they are yours to make. You are an amazing mother. You are doing everything in your power to keep you and your baby alive, and that is wondrous.

Some days you will tackle the world and everything in it. To-do list, be damned! You woke up, got up, dressed up, and did everything you wanted to do. And the next day you don’t know if you ate, or showered, or if there’s anyone in the house besides you… and the baby. And that’s fine too. Every day is a new day. None of them are the same. And they don’t have to be. You don’t have to have a schedule. You don’t have to be in a club, in a group, in a chatroom, or a forum. You don’t have to share any of it. It’s your business.

I just want to reiterate that you are amazing. You don’t know me, but I was once thinking the same thoughts you’re thinking. When I was having those thoughts, I needed a letter like this. I needed all of the encouragement I could get because every second that I was alive, I was scared and doubting. I just knew I was doing it wrong. I knew we were doomed. There was hardly a time during any day that I felt certain, or right. But it all turned out better than I could have imagined.

Is it too soon to nurse? Did I nurse long enough? Is the swaddle too tight? Is he hot in there? I would want my feet out. I wonder if the baby wants to be swaddled but also wants his feet out? What was that noise? Was that from the baby? WHO’s IN HERE? I am so sleepy. I should sleep because the baby is asleep (like everyone says). Oh? He’s awake. Now I’ll never get any sleep! Is it too soon to nurse? Did I switch the laundry? We should go for a drive. Should I take the baby out in this weather? Is one sweater and two blankets enough? It’s 72 degrees outside. Will he be warm enough? Will he be hot? I should bring a change of clothes. Or two. I’ll bring two. Is he awake? Oh no, he fell back asleep. I should sleep. I’m hungry. Did I shower today? Or yesterday? OhMyGolfBalls!! Who is that in the mirror? Holy moly! When was the last time I showered? What was that noise? I’m hungry. Yawn. Zzzz!!

Heaven forbid the baby sneeze, cough, or have a fever! Lord love a duck. Release it all, Dear Mama. Try your best to go with the flow. When it’s time to eat, sleep, scream, or cry– you will. When the baby is hungry, or tired, or wet, or feverish, you’ll know, and you’ll know what to do. If you need help, tell someone. If you feel bogged down, overwhelmed, or deeply sad, tell someone. Trust yourself. You got this.

Tanisha Ware

Originally published on October 22, 2019 at SingleMomzRock

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